Here We Are
The morning had come once again, but she kept her eyes closed as she swatted off her alarm clock. Her bed had been so comfortable here since she moved in four months ago. It’s not that it was difficult to wake up, but just now she had no need to rush anything. She rolled to the other side of her bed and could feel the sun coming through the window; the warmth against her skin. With her eyes still shut, she could begin to see light seeping through her eyelids. Ranae always enjoyed being woken like this—there was a little pain as her eyes readjusted to the change in lighting, but it was a sure sign that it was time to move on.
She arose from her bed and walked to her window, embracing the sunlight as she moved. Ranae rested her head against the pane and looked out. Her apartment towered over the city of Singapore, as she overlooked the other buildings and cars that hummed off to work. She loved seeing the tropical trees that lined the streets of the city—it was like holiday meets workplace, and it kept everything calm. It was a strange life that this city state led. The country had one of the highest domestic profits of all nations, and all it had to work with was the essentially within this twenty-six square mile island. Yet somehow, life was life and business was business and the two were separate entities. Ranae was so happy to be here.
She took in the view one last time of the sun kissing the skin of the city, and then she went off to ready herself for the day ahead. It was seven-thirty, but she had never felt so awake, and, for some reason, so serene.
The air was warm as she took a seat on the top of the double decked bus. Such a beautiful day, such a beautiful day indeed. The locals around her chatting lively, some in Chinese, some in English. The locals…Ranae thought. She recognized most of them, she laughed. She had taken this bus every day since she’s been here, and the faces were finally becoming familiar. She was one of the locals. In fact, she knew the name of the man just two seats ahead of her. He was a tall man who worked for the same company as she did. Ranae was pretty sure that he had just started a month or two ago. He was a handsome man; thick brown hair, a strong build. Probably only around twenty-five years of age. She touched the wedding band around her finger. She wasn’t so old herself… twenty-six—nothing to be ashamed of. She had been in Singapore for so long now, and she still didn’t have any friends. She had coworkers, she knew her maid, but she didn’t have any real friends. Why was that?
Just then she realized that she was still staring at her coworker, and, apparently, he had just noticed too. He got up out of his seat and made his way back to where she was sitting.
He smiled and sat down next to her, “Hello.”
“Hello, Adam.”
“Pardon?” The man realized what just happened and laughed. “Oh, no. My name is Abner.”
Ranae hit herself on the forehead, “I’m so sorry. Sorry… Abner. I should’ve known that.” She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, and to break herself free from the awkward moment, she put her hand out to shake. “I’m Rane…”
“Ranae Basens,” he took her hand, and shook it. “I know.” He could tell that she was even more upset with herself so, he continued to hold her hand and shake it. He began giving exaggerated shakes going well over their heads and down to the seat again before she realized that he was just having fun with her. They both laughed.
Abner quickly hopped into conversation to keep things flowing. “So, how long have you been in Singapore?”
Ranae smiled, “What makes you think I haven’t been here forever?”
Abner leaned farther into his own seat, “Well, you’re not Asian, firstly.” He looked around. “And you’re the only person sitting alone on this bus-- which means you have no friends, and such a lovely lady as yourself surely could make friends quickly.” He winked.
“Wow, um…” Ranae was taken back by how forward he was. She combed her hair out of her face, although the wind continued to blow it every which way anyhow. “Thanks?”
“I didn’t mean any harm,” Abner quickly explained. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t have any friends either.” Ranae shot him a quick, confused look. “I mean…”
Ranae quickly laughed. “No, it’s alright. I know what you mean.” She looked around the top deck of the bus. “You know what, the way I see it, I’m not sitting alone on the bus, now am I?”
“I guess not.” Abner smiled. “So, how long have you been in Singapore?”
“A quarter of the year, but, aside from not having any friends, I feel like I’ve been here forever. Or like I should have been here forever.” Again she fixed her hair. “I mean, work has posted me here for six months, but I just got a call last night and they have offered me a position to stay here on contract for another two years.”
“That sounds brilliant. The weather, the environment-- why not stay?”
“Well, there’s my husband, Sam, back in America. I’ve only seen him once in the past four months.” Ranae held her ring finger.
“Come now, why’s that?”
Ranae chuckled. “Jesus, you’re a nosey person, aren’t you?”
Abner gave a playful nod and scratched the tip of his nose. “Guilty.” The bus came to a stop. Abner looked at the closest street sign. “You know, I think this is our stop.”
They got off the bus together and they didn’t stop talking until Ranae had reached her office. Her phone was ringing.
“Well, it was nice meeting you, Abner.”
“Yes, hopefully we can continue to become friends.”
The phone still rang. Ranae smiled, “I’ll see you later.” The shook hands again in their exaggerated way, and a laugh about it, and Ranae went to answer her phone.
“Hello, this is Ranae Basens speaking. How may I help you?”
The voice on the other end of the line answered playfully, “Well, you could come home and share our bed with me tonight.”
Ranae laughed. “It’s morning here, Sam, and I spent last night alone.” Then in a slightly more serious tone, “Besides, I think it’s your turn to come and visit me.”
There was a silence. Except all of a sudden, it wasn’t silent at all. She knew how this conversation would go, and it was screaming inside of her. Out of her time in Singapore, she was least happy when she was on the phone with her husband. At first she thought it was because it was unbearable to be with him, but now she knew what it really was. Sam was impossible to compromise with.
“Oh, ‘Nae. I’d love to, but you know how I’m afraid of planes. I don’t know how to speak Chinese either.” He was never going to come visit her overseas. “And I have a lot going for me here that I can’t just leave. It’s so much more convenient for you to come back home. Don’t you want to come back home?”
“No!” Ranae said. Or screamed. Or something. There was silence again, but this time she was going to break it. “Sam, I have a lot going for me here too, and it isn’t convenient for me to just give up on it like I know you want me to.”
“’Nae, it’s a beautiful night. Let’s not ruin it with fighting again.” Sam was trying to avoid the conversation, but it was finally time to snap.
“It’s morning here, Sam.”
This time she let the silence stay in the air. Had she ever loved Sam? Yes, she must have. Or was he just there. She cried. “Oh, God… I’m terrible.”
Sam responded calmly even though she knew he was upset too. “No. No, it’s alright.” He was such a sweet man. Then, he said the most horrible thing that he could have possibly said, “I love you, ‘Nae.”
This time everything really was silent. It was so quiet that the cushioning against her eardrums hurt her. She swallowed. “Then come and see me, Sam.”
Sam began to speak, but before he began Ranae finished, “If you don’t, then I don’t think our lives can go in the same direction anymore.” She stopped crying. She knew now that she was finally sure of what she wanted. No more settling because it’s easier.
“I almost didn’t come here four months ago when you tried to talk me out of it. I almost stayed. But I took a chance, and I’m happy here.” She laughed a little. “I really am.” She paused again. “Now, what I really need to know: are you happy there without me?”
Sam was breathing heavily into the phone. “I’m not leaving.”
Ranae wasn’t sad. She new all along that this is the response she was going to get from him. He would not ever change the way he lived. “Then, I think we should file for divorce, Sam.” She exhaled. “I’m sorry.”
“Okay.” He hung up the phone, but continued talking absentmindedly. “I’ll mail you the papers.”
The moon was full tonight, capturing the reflection of the sun on the other side of the world perfectly; teasing him. It loomed over him and the cold breeze that now invaded his house chilled him. It was impossible to sleep anymore, so he stared out the window. There was nothing out there he hadn’t seen before. A cloud passed over the moon; it was all dark.
The only light left around him came from the lamp on his nightstand. His neighborhood had recently been filling with crime, so he prepared himself—a gun lay next to his bed. It was perfectly encircled by the light controlled by the lampshade.
He didn’t want a divorce. He wanted to be settled… at peace; done. He wanted to be done with it all. Sam walked to his bed and sat. The gun was comfortable in his hand; this was the first time he was at ease in months. He needed to ease his mind.
Sam raised the gun, and rested it against his head. “What is to become of me?” he asked. “Where am I to end?”
